Another Vice

Loneliness leads to vices, and vices leads to loneliness. Which then leads to regret and guilt, then addiction. You constantly beat yourself up, but continue to do the same thing you are beating yourself up for. You slowly begin to not like yourself, then suspect others to not like you as well. Even though others have no clue what you are going through or battling. They have no clue what is going on behind closed doors, or in this case, a closed heart. On the outside you are joyous, happy, and well put together. But, on the inside, you are screaming and falling apart. You painfully rip every compliment, good feelings, and securities away from yourself. Which then leads you to wallow back into self pity and ready for another drink or whatever it is you turn to for your vice. Whether you want it or not, the devil says it’s the only way to feel better. Only to be fooled because it makes you fell worse. Then you sink deeper and deeper into the black hole. You feel trapped, and still lonely. You have sank so low, to the point all you can think to do is look up and pray. You have given up on all else, so all you have left is to pray. You pray so hard, that you are finally able to see some light. Just a speck but it’s there. The light gets bigger and brighter. You can feel it’s warmth over the cold. Then you fall again. But you don’t stop praying. You put all your trust and everything into prayer. You rise, fall, rise, fall. Like a yoyo effect. Until one day you realize it’s not so dark anymore. It’s bright. The darkness is behind you. You start to realize you’re darkness wasn’t so bad. The lord pulled you through. Your darkness starts to not seem so bad because you realize others are going through a darker time than you. They are having a hard time finding the light. We all have our different problems, battles, and vices. We never truly get over them completely, we will always battle. I know I still battle, the difference now is how I handle my battle. I personally believe the lord gives us struggles and hard times to make us rely on him. To make us depend on him to pull us through. Whatever your vice, whatever your battle, turn to the lord with all your trust. Lean on him and he will pull you through.


Published by

Mandy Vinson

I am Mandy Vinson and I am a singer/songwriter, author, blogger, and on occasion and dabble into poetry. I am a wife, a mother of two children and a child of God. My hobbies include playing games with my kids and spending time with my family, being outdoors, writing, playing guitar, and singing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s