People Pleasers

My husband often tells me that I am the hardest on myself. He’s right. I will be the first to put myself down, or call myself names when I fail or I am not where I want to be. I will be the first to never give myself credit for all the good things I do, how hard I work, so on and so forth. I am the first to only give myself credit for the negative days. The days when the house is a mess, the days I overslept, or when I forgot to pay the electric bill. Those are the days I see myself for. One evening I was sitting on the couch sulking about how much I suck and that’s one of the times my husband looked at me and said “you are harder on yourself than anyone else”. Me, well I’m speaking the truth. But, the more I got thinking of that statement, the more I thought about how right he was. It’s not just me though, it’s everyone. It doesn’t matter how much good anyone does in life, there will always be someone searching to find something bad and negative, and that’s what everyone will focus on. Let me give an example….. I am a beer drinker. Who doesn’t like to have a good time on the weekends. Well, when I decide to drink, I like to smoke as well. (don’t judge, I am well aware it is bad for me, but we all have our unhealthy habits) Now, I don’t smoke all the time, maybe once or twice a week, when I want a few beers. When the weekend rolls around, we invite some friends over, play some games and have a good time and unwind. Now, that has led some friends of mine to the assumption that all I do is drink…. ( insert finger to chin thinking face) you only see me once every few months, and now I am an automatic drinker because of this. They don’t see the part of me during every other day where I am in the bed by 9 and up at 5. They don’t see how hard I bust my booty during the week taking kids to and fro, coaching teams, making sure homework is done. All they see is the once and a blue moon me and that’s how I was labeled. Why? The only thing I can figure is Jane Doe wants an impression, but Jane Doe can’t feel better about themselves if they don’t label you as worst. Make since? I’m not even going to get onto the topic about my blue heeler, but that’s a story for another day. Most people don’t want to automatically see how awesome another person is, that puts down their self esteem. So, instead of seeing any good characteristics, most people walk into any situation automatically looking for something negative. Searching with their beady eyes looking for the next thing for them to write home fussing about. It doesn’t matter what it is. How much weight you’ve gained, how much weight you lost, you drank a few beers, you’re too good to drink, you’re too good to clean you’re own house and have a house keeper, you need to hire a house keeper because there was dust inside on the back corner of one of your drawers, you’re a stay at home mom, or you’re a career mom. Let me say it again, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU DO! Now, I am not labeling all people. This is just most, and even if you’re not that way now, you at one point use to be. These type of situations caused me to always feel the need to explain myself, try to be a “people pleaser” to make sure someone didn’t form an opinion about me without truly knowing me. But, that just made me turn around and be harder on myself. As my husband accused me of. So, how do we change this? Well, I haven’t done any hard core research, but one thing I have done to help is not explaining myself. I don’t post any memes on social media to “prove who I am”. If I am not asked about any situation, I am not going to feel obligated to fill anyone in. If someone starts to gossip to me (don’t get me wrong, I love gossip, no better way to feel better about yourself and then worst at the same time) I try my best to change the topic or shut it down with a type of “oh well, that’s just who they are .” If my kids miss school, other than notifying teachers etc, it’s no ones business. You get the jist. People literally sit around waiting for others to fall and make mistakes, we are programmed that way. That’s the devil who wants to turn us against each other. It’s hard to turn away from being that way, but it’s up to you to change. Change your focus, always seek the good in any situation, and only worry about impressing one, our Lord! Life can be so much better if more people would start seeing the good and not the bad.

(a pic of my hubby before playing soccer with our kids in the front yard… aint he purdy)


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Mandy Vinson

I am Mandy Vinson and I am a singer/songwriter, author, blogger, and on occasion and dabble into poetry. I am a wife, a mother of two children and a child of God. My hobbies include playing games with my kids and spending time with my family, being outdoors, writing, playing guitar, and singing.

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