I open my eyes in the morning and roll out of bed to a fresh cup of coffee. Like a zombie, I slugged into my every day morning routine. Same story, different day. After I woke my kids up, I returned to the bathroom to apply my makeup before shuttling my little ones off to school. As I am focused in the mirror attempting to make my tired eyes look more alert, I hear a soft little voice beside me. “Mommy”, it was my daughter, standing there looking at me with the sweetest face and those big blue eyes. “Yes baby.” I answered with a huff in my breath, wondering what it was going to be this time. More milk, needing help with a sock, can’t buckle the shorts, can’t find her stuffed animal. We stared at each other for a short moment before “Are you happy?” came out of little mouth. I stood bewildered for a moment, then answered “Yes” and she ran back off to the living room. But, the question still rang in my head, “Are you happy?” Was I? I thought for a little bit, I mean, I have an amazing life. Great husband, great kids, I get to be a stay at home mom and focus on my dreams. But, was I happy? No. Not that I wasn’t happy with my life or that I was ungrateful. I even felt terrible for thinking I was not happy. I thought I was being selfish. But why? Why am I unhappy? Then it came to me, it’s just a season. It’s a phase we all go through at some point in our lives. It’s not our surroundings or our loved ones that make us unhappy, it’s just a change. We push past it and fight through it, then we see the light again. When I talked to my husband about it, he revealed to me that he went through the same thing a couple years prior. It was good to talk and to hear the words actually coming out of my mouth instead of beating me up in my head. After some time, I truly started feeling much better and was happy again. It felt like my heart was happy all the time. I was smiling much more and just living life. I even noticed my daughter never asked again if I was happy. I guess now she can tell it. Just as the weather changes, so did I. It’s ok to go through a rough patch. Just don’t let it take over you. Take a deep breath and trust God to carry you through the storm. Always remember you are not alone and as long as you trust your maker, there will be brighter days ahead. You just have to make it through today first.
(A selfie I took of myself swinging at the park while the kids were at school. A picture from when I was going through a tough time, trying to find myself)