10 Years

As I am laying out in the yard by our above ground swimming pool listening to the kids jumping on the trampoline, then running back to splash in the pool, I begin to remember a time 10 years ago.

The time when my husband and I first moved into our house. A time before we had grass, before our back porch, heck even before the kids were born.

We sat in our back yard on towels beside a plastic kiddie pool, surrounded by dirt, listening to an old cd player, while sipping on some cold ones. We had just planted our yard with grass seed so there was only dirt, everywhere. We would sit there every afternoon, dreaming of what was to come. We were making plans.

Once our grass grew, we only had a push mower and a big yard. No shade what so ever to hang out in. Our washer and dryer was banged up and worked as good as we needed them to. There was also a lot of work to make the pasture ready for my horses to join us. It was just the beginning of our journey.

About 2 months later, we found out we were expecting. Then slowly, our spare room turned into a nursery, the grass was luscious, the pasture was coming along. Then our family grew once more. Our house became fuller and the carpets became stained. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wow, how much has changed over time. That old cd player is now in the shop (which also came over time). We have a back porch with a TV on it, that’s how we listen to our music now. We even upgraded to an above the ground pool.

We’ve been through a lot of struggles, a lot of ups and downs, and some rocky roads. We’ve had good times and bad times. But best of all, we built a life together, an amazing one at that.

It’s fun looking back on those times. Who would have known, 10 years ago, our young butts sitting on those towels only dreaming, never knowing how far we would go. But here we are 10 years later. Things might not have turned out quite how we planned, but they turned out even better. I can only imagine what the next 10 years will bring.

Kids can be Kids

Other parents: I’m so sad during this pandemic because my kids are missing out on so much. They don’t get to see their friends or go and enjoy their normal activities.

Me: I see it quite differently. My kids are able to be kids again. Use their imaginations and play. They get to hang out with mommy and daddy more. They’re not worn out from every day stresses. No more long school days, no more tiring late practices in the afternoons after homework, and no more screen time.

Don’t get me wrong school, sports, and screen time to unwind is great. But, our kids, especially young ones are so consumed with it that they forget what its like to be a kid.

It’s sad that 9-10 year olds are more concerned with screen time than putting a puzzle or legos together. Why actually put one together when you can watch someone on youtube do it?

My kids have always loved putting legos and puzzles together, but never have the time. When the weekends roll around, they would rather kick back on the couch and watch screens than spend time with the family, or doing something creative.

Through this pandemic, screens went down and the fun began. The legos came back out, the puzzles came back out, the toys came back out, and best of all their imaginations came back out.

They are riding their bikes again, pretending again, and being a kid again.

Life goes by too fast. Before we know it, their childhood is gone. So, instead of being upset on what they are “missing out” on, be thankful for what they are gaining and getting back.

They are getting back what it’s like to just be a kid. To get dirty, to have fun, to be outside from sun up to sun down, they are getting so much more back than they are missing out on.

I’ve always wanted my kids to have the childhood I had, now they get it. I think they are enjoying it more than ever.

Yes they will fight and we will all get tired of each other here and there, but this is the life.

So don’t let this opportunity pass them by. Let them have fun and heck, have fun with them. As parents, we don’t always get this chance to become kids again or even have time to play with our kids, but now we do.

Teach them the games you use to play to pass time and let them teach you their games. Have some story time and play school.

Don’t be upset because they can’t play with friends, go to the park, go to the beach, or that ball season has been postponed. Be happy that life has slowed down and…. you guessed it….. your kids can be kids!

Momma Guilt

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for having a career and being a mom.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for choosing to put motherhood over having a career.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for not having a fabulous routine.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for struggling to keep up with house work.

It’s a constant battle between “you should be helping with income” and “you should be caring for your own children”.

Momma’s can’t win for losing. We are in a constant battle with doing what we feel is right and what others feel we should do.

If you’re a stay at home mom then you are lazy. If you’re a working mom then you aren’t truly a mother because you’re not there.

That’s not fair. No one puts that burden on a man.

Being I was a working mom, a stay at home mom, now the stay at home mom working her butt off on chasing dreams, I can truly say it’s hard either way and you are AMAZING regardless what path you choose.

It’s hard being a mom, it’s hard deciding in what’s best for you and your family. But I promise it’s all going to be great, as long as your intentions are great.

I know mom’s who work hard every day, and though they love and miss their kids, they need a break. I know mom’s who are with their kids ALL DAY EVERY DAY, and feel guilty for wanting a break.

But us mom’s can’t catch a break because there is always someone saying we are wrong. There is always someone making us feel guilty.

But I’m here to tell you, it’s ok. Do what’s best and do what works. If you want to stay home and be your childs caregiver, that’s awesome! If you have a career and want to continue with it, that’s amazing. We shouldn’t have to have the feeling of choosing between one or the other.

If you’re a stay at home mom, you get to raise your kiddos the way you want and teach your kids how to work hard like momma.

If you’re a working momma, they get to visit and know family better while learning to work hard like their momma.

The kids win either way.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty, for being who they dreamed to be!

Everyday Day is the Same

Are you stuck at home during quarenteen? Maybe you were layed off from your job, working from home, or because school is closed.

Everyday seems endless and the same. So much as to where you don’t even know what day it is anymore.

May I make a suggestion? Maybe now is the time to finally start and get into a routine. I mean why not? If everyday is the same, might as well get the most out of all of them!

Before school closings, etc, my days were slammed packed. They started at 5:30 in the mornings and didn’t end until after the kids went to bed that night.

Between hustling to and from school, after school practices, homework, everyday duties, and me actually trying to squeeze in working amongst everything else, I was pooped.

Working out was a when I feel like it sort of thing, if I forgot to do my bible study then that’s that, and writing was the same. I would get to it when I can (which was mostly in the pick up line).

So you can imagine what I did when the weekends rolled around. I was sleeping in and not doing a darn thing!

So, it hit me, now everyday is a Saturday if you think about it. Why do one thing during the week and not on the weekend. Now, I’m not getting up before 7, but so far I have been more on track and more organized by being able to do the same thing EVERY day.

For instance, it’s Sunday and I’ve been up since 7:30, did my bible study, now about to jump on my workout before getting a shower. Then I will make breakfast, get the kids dressed, then we will head outside to feed the animals. Bam! Our day has already started out pretty awesome.

When you create a routine, it normally takes 30 days for it to become a habit. So what better time to create habits that you have always wanted to create, but have been too busy to “stick” it out.

I feel having everyday being the same instead of weekday vs weekend or workday vs day off helps keep you in check to form your habits.

So, instead of benjing netflicks complaining on when the world will get back to normal, take advantage of the break. Take advantage of everyday being the same.

Until the World Stopped

We were too busy to find time to work out.

We were too busy get into an everyday routine.

We were too busy to have a healthy meal plan.

We were too busy for quality family time.

We were too busy to read that new book.

We were too busy to learn a new skill.

We were too busy to get organized.

We were too busy to make time for ourselves.

We were running to and from work or to and from school. Then, there were after school practices or activities. Don’t forget to run to the grocery store. Now let’s rush to bed and check that last email.

We were too busy, until the world stopped.

Then, all a sudden, the schools are closed. After school activities and practices were cancelled. Anywhere you would normally go to gather is closed. Business were shut down, and we are told to stay home. So we do. But what do we do when our lives are changed so much? Get overwhelmed, pout, mope around because our lives have changed so much.

Why?

If you’re confused on what to do in this new found world, sit back, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and think of all the things you have been wanting to do. Let God show you the path and ways to make the best out of our current situations. Sit back, be still and listen.

Now is the time to do what you were too busy to do. Start taking afternoon walks, enjoy quality time with family, read the book you’ve always wanted to read or even learn a new language.

Enjoy some time to yourself or treat yourself to more bubble baths. You finally have time to take care of you.

Enjoy this time. I feel it was a blessing from God. He slowed us down, he told us to stop. Focus on him, focus on your family, and focus on you.

Do what you’ve always wanted to do, but were too busy to do, until the world stopped.

There will always be critics

I woke up this morning with notifications on my phone from youtube. As I was pouring my cup off coffee, I opened one and it was this comment on a cover I did of “Perfect” by Pink.



That cover was done two years ago or so, so it’s not the best. I proceeded to look and this same person commented negative things on two other covers I had done over two years ago stating the likes I did recieve were probably from family, but they needed to be more honest.

Then left this comment on “More Hearts than Mine” by Ingred Andre’s that I posted recently.

This one is a little nicer but seriously


I guess this person doesn’t look at dates as to when these covers were posted.


The more I contemplated on the comments, I got a little angry wondering why do people have to be so mean?! I know I’m not great and back then it was definitely not good but, if you don’t like something, move on. I leave those videos up as a reminder of how far I’ve come. If you don’t like something move on, no need to be nasty, attack, and discourage someone.

After that, I wanted to go back and comment on every negative comment he made to defend myself. But I prayed about it instead. Then I turned on Pandora and started folding laundry.

The first song that came on was “Heartless” by Diplo ft. Morgan Wallen. I chuckled for two reasons. First, the title was suiting for what I was thinking about this critic. Second, I remembered Morgan Wallen sharing a negative tweet from someone saying he couldn’t sing or something like that. Anywho, he retweeted it with laughing faces.

Then, I thought, don’t worry what the critics say, the best movies always get the worst reviews. I don’t like letting things like this bother me and I don’t like having to explain myself so I won’t.

I know I’m not the best singer, the best songwriter or even the best writer at that. But, it’s something I love and I’m not going to let a critic’s negativity take that away from me. I will keep on writing, singing and playing. That’s how you improve.

I feel that people who feel the need to put others down and troll them need to take a long look in the mirror and find what’s missing in their own lives. Most people who put others down are not happy with themselves.

I honestly feel really sad for people who feel the need to find the negative in everything. It must be pretty miserable and I pray you will start looking for the positive, life is so much better that way.

That being said, I just wanted to share this with ya’ll as a reminder that there will always be people who put you down, there will always be people who will say things to hurt you. But don’t let them stop you from chasing your dreams or doing what you love. Don’t let them be the reason you fail or don’t succeed. The only way to fail is if you quit.

I did get somewhat of an apology later on, but this is the only comment I replied back on, and I was nice. Lol

Childhood

This is what childhood looks like.

This is what imagination looks like.

This is what making memories looks like.

This is what fun for a child looks like.

Not staring at a screen all day.

When I was a child I remember making up so many games, playing cowboys and indians, getting dirty, and just using my imagination to entertain myself.

I remember waking up early on the weekends to go to my favorite tree (which was my pretend house) and picking up where I left off the day before.

Yes, my kids have tablets, video games and such. But not for an all day purpose. They can play them in the morning while I’m making breakfast or in the evening while I’m prepping dinner. Heck, rainy days are perfect for them. But, day time is for playing and using your imagination.

Let them get scrapes, let them get bruises and let them have fun. My daughter (who is 6) is learning how to take off and ride her bike without training wheels. She’s doing awesome! She has also crashed on her bike so many times that we started calling her “Crash”. But she got up, screamed she was ok, jumped back on her bike and kept on going.



She’s making memories and learning to not give up. My son (who is 9) is still getting to be a “kid” and playing with his toys. He is using his imagination, a skill set that is slowly fading in our youth.

I always said once I became an adult and have kids I wanted them to have the imagination and the childhood I had. I’m sticking to that promise. There are days we come outside to play at 10 am and don’t come back in until dark. I love those days.

Their childhood is something they will never get back. I remember when I was about 12 or so, I realized I didn’t have an “imagination” anymore, I was more into grown up things and that made me sad. I remembered being upset because I had reached a different phase in my life.

I want my kids to get the best of their childhood and enjoy every second of it. Technology keeps advancing and will always be there. It may be easier for me to just let them have a game instead of playing outside all day every day. But their childhood only lasts so long.

So they will enjoy it. Every second of every day, they will do what children do. Make up games, get scrapes and bruises, and get dirty. Because that’s what childhood is about.

They have plenty of time later to be “grown”. But their childhood only lasts for so long.

Think of Others

As people are panicking, clearing off the shelves in stores, fearful of the unknown, I am at home doing my bible study and enjoying my morning cup of coffee. While reading my bible, I came across this verse and I felt compelled to share.

It comes from Deuteronomy Chapter 24, verses 19-21:

“When you reap your harvest in your field, and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it; it shall be for a stranger, the fatherless, and the widow, that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.

When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over the boughs again; it shall be for the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow.

When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not glean it afterward; it shall be for the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow.”

Think about this before you go clearing off shelves and hoarding. Others need supplies as well. Others can’t afford to go over buy and hoard. Others are trying to survive week by week. Please be thoughtful. There will be plenty to go around and companies will be able to keep up if you don’t buy it all as soon as it hits the shelves. Leave some for others. Think about others.

Deuteronomy Chapter 24, verse 22:

“And you shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore I command you to do this thing.”

Dear Teachers

Dear Teachers, We never got to say goodbye.

As our schools have closed for the remainder or the school year, our precious children are homeschooling or distant learning. Now, as much as I absolutely love them being home, I am saddened by the thought of they won’t go back. It’s not that I’m ready for them to go back, heck I’ve contemplated homeschooling for a long time, but it’s the fact that they won’t get to say bye to their teachers.

 No end of the year celebrations, no awards ceremonies, and no saying goodbye to friends and good luck in the next grade. No closure. No field day, no kick ball tournament against the teachers. For some students, this was the last year in their school before they move on to the next school. For some, this was their first year of school so they won’t get their Pre-k or Kindergarten graduation their parents have been waiting so long to cry at. And worst of all, Seniors in high school are feared they won’t get to see the day they worked so hard for and dreamed about since they were little.

I know this seems silly, but it’s just the memories. I know with all that’s going on in the world right now, this should be the least of my concern. I am very thankful for the concern for the safety of our children and I completely understand the reasoning, but it does sadden me. My kids have AMAZING teachers that they won’t get to hug goodbye as they continue on to the next grade.

I pray everyone stays safe and heed the warnings of not going out and about unless absolutely necessary. I pray for the ones who are affected and who are sick. I pray the Lord stays with us through all of this and help wipe it away quickly.

But dear teachers, thank you for taking care of my babies and loving them. Please know that we appreciate you and my babies will miss you. 

Care Enough to Try

I remember this day very well. I was having a totally off day and this was during a time when I wasn’t in the best place. This was during a time where I felt worthless and that I wasn’t good enough. This was during a time where nothing I did or say ever seemed right. So having the day I was having then, did not help.

At the time I took this picture my heart was hurting. We were at the library for an Easter party and Easter egg hunt. She had been looking forward to this event, plus it was our last one because she was starting school the following fall. We had been to every one since she was a baby.

Well, we showed up at the VERY end. She cried the whole way there thinking we were going to miss it, and to be honest so did I. I remember the whole way there I kept telling her “Mommy’s trying her best baby, I’m trying to get us there”, and I was.

Us being so late wasn’t because of negligence of time, it was circumstantial.

You see, I had to come back home after taking my son to school to get the horses fed. Upon arrival, one of my horses (whom I won’t call by name) was out of the pasture. After fighting with her to get her back in, the sole of my boot literally just fell off. It was one thing after another. Then before I knew it, it was 10:30, the party started at 10:30. I live 30 minutes away from the library. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I WAS DEVASTATED!

So, we rushed to the library and made it to the end of the party. We missed the egg hunt, but luckily the librarians knew we wouldn’t miss this event, gathered some eggs and put them aside for her. We sat there in the library floor while she ate her snacks and went thru her eggs. She turned to look at everyone else when I snapped this picture. I snapped this picture with the feeling of complete failure and defeat in my heart. Even though we still made it, even though it was not my fault as to why we were late, my heart wouldn’t let me feel otherwise.

After the library I took her to McDonalds to make up for all the hurt and emotional distress we had, then we went to the duck pond and walked and played. And you know what? We both got over it. Her much quicker than me. Heck, I teared up writing this because I remember how my heart felt.

As a parent we try so hard for our kids. But sometimes we fall short. And that’s ok. Does it hurt, heck yes, but we will move on. We either learn a lesson, have a story to tell, or both.

But the one thing I know I’ve learned is, the fact that I tried! I could have just threw in the towel and said “sorry kid, we are just not going to make it.” Let her cry it out a minute, bribe her with some candy or whatever. But no, I took my chances on making it before it ended and we did.

You have to give it all you’ve got! The fact that you care! That’s what makes you an awesome parent. So don’t let guilt over something beyond your control make you feel like you’re not good enough. You keep being an awesome parent. Your kids will always remember the fact that my mom cared enough to try.