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FEAR

FEAR! As we see on motivational posters or blogs, fear can mean two different things. Fear everything and run or Face everything and rise.

I choose to face everything and rise. It’s so easy to be consumed with fear and just sit this one out. But, one thing I have realized, fear is the devil trying not to let you win.

I am a songwriter and of course a blogger. I submitted a song to a publisher sometime back. I was confident about the song and I of course absolutely love the song, but not being a known songwriter, I really didn’t think it would turn a head. It would probably just get pushed to the back of the shelf to collect dust.

Well, to my surprise out of the blue, I received and email from a publisher. You can only imagine my excitement. I have been working towards this opportunity for a long time and it was finally happening. The publisher loved my song and wanted to rerecord it so it would have a great quality soumd to pitch to artists.

Once the song came back, I listened to it and loved the way it sounded. But, then here comes the devil in the back of my mind, why would anyone want to buy this song? You wrote it, it’s sounds so amateur, no one’s going to pick it for an album.

I started feeling so much doubt that I was embarrassed that famous artists were going to be listening to it.

I had to tell the devil to shove it, because if it wasn’t any good why would a publisher want to spend so much time with it.

Any who, after a few other email exchanges I was told my song was being sent to the pitching team. I was excited and asked if there was anything else I needed to do. I was told no, unless I had another song I wanted to send.

AAAHHHH WHAT! I was excited, but then quickly sunk into fear. What if I send my websites my lyrics are on and they laugh at what I write or how I play. You know, all the negative thoughts that would keep anyone from moving forward. Definitely something so vulnerable as song lyrics.

I put it off for a few days. Then I said to myself JUMP! A phrase I read from the great book “JUMP” written by Steve Harvey. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no or they say, well these lyrics aren’t what we are looking for.

But what’s the best that could happen. They could love my lyrics and I finally start achieving my dreams and build a relationship with a known publisher.

You see, I almost let fear stop me from chasing my dreams. I almost just halted everything I worked hard for, all because of fear.

The fear of failure, the fear of embarrassment, and honestly a small part of fear of success.

When you fear a step forward in following your dreams, it’s because the devil doesn’t want you to move forward. He doesn’t want you succeeding in God’s will and plan for you.

So the next time you fear the next step, let the devil fall down the slope as you jump towards your next step. What’s the worst that could happen.

(By the way, if you haven’t read “Jump” by Steve Harvey I highly recommend it. You won’t regret it.)

It’s Ok

It’s ok to take time for yourself. 

It’s ok to not play with your kids every second of the day.

It’s ok to let them play by themselves or with each other while you take some time for yourself.

I always feel so guilty if my kids are doing their own thing and I’m not involved. I always tend to feel like I’m supposed to be playing and entertaining all day long because, well you know, they grow so fast and I don’t want to miss anything with their childhood.

But then, I tend to feel overwhelmed and aggravated because I never have a second to myself. I feel  I am always serving and tending to everyone and everything. Then I feel selfish and ungrateful for feeling that way. It’s a never ending cycle.

Today, I came outside to clean out the pool. The kids elected to stay inside for a bit because it was so hot. Then, they made their way outside to the trampoline. As they were jumping, I decided to pull out my layout chair and catch a few rays. The kids decided they were hot and went inside. I followed to make sure they didn’t need anything and they continued playing. They were getting along and having a lots of fun, so I went back outside.

As I laid in my chair, I felt relaxed and peaceful. Then it hit me, it’s ok to do this. It’s ok to give yourself a break.

As a momma, I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for caring for myself and giving myself time. After all, how can I give my all when I don’t give myself a break.

Take it easy momma’s, relax and take some time for you.

I Prayed

I prayed for a way to quit playing on my phone so much because it’s too easy to get distracted and trapped into it. A couple days later, lightning struck close to my house and messed my internet up. It hasn’t been the same since.

I prayed to be able to spend more time with my horses. My kids weren’t so much into hanging out in the pasture, so it was hard to get out there as often as I liked. Out of the blue, my kids love being in the pasture, and sometimes I want a break from it.

My husband and I took the kids to town to play tennis and to rollerblade around a pond. I prayed that we wouldn’t get overheated. While we were eating it rained and cooled down some.

I prayed to be more adventurous and to do more spontaneous things with the kids. I get stuck in a rut of chores and habits often. I later received a last minute call about going to the lake for the day. 

I have prayed a lot. Sometimes my prayers are answered right then, sometimes I have to wait, and sometimes not at all. There are times when I don’t realize my prayers have been answered because of the way they were answered, but when I sat down and thought about it, I realized differently.

The Lord listens and he answers. It might not be in the way we expect or in the time frame you want it, but he is listening. Whenever you have something on your mind, or you need help, even if it’s just to talk, never underestimate the power of the Lord or question him. He knows what’s best and he knows what he’s doing. Just pray about it.

Leave the fort up

This is the Mega Fort my husband put up for the kids. As you can see, it covers just about my whole living room. Then of course my daughter and niece filled it up with pals (aka stuffed animals) and toys. My son built a wall in the middle to separate his side from theirs. They also had supplies such as drinks and snacks to prepare them for the 24 hour challenge. The 24 hour challenge means they can’t leave the fort for 24 hours, the only exception is going to the bathroom. They never make the full 24 hours, they normally pause the game for a while, then go back and pick up where they left off.

The first day of the Mega Fort, I’m normally pretty chill about it. The kids are having fun playing while staying out of my hair. But then, by the 2nd day, I am ready to take it down. My OCD kicks in and I am ready to get all the toys off the floor and open the living room back up.

This morning I got up while everyone was still passed out sleeping peacefully. I went out on the porch to drink my coffee, then came back in to start the dishes. I looked into the living room and see this and thought to myself, wow we’ve got to get this cleaned up. The overwhelming feeling of my cluttered house started to get to me.

After working out and getting a shower, I walked out to the kitchen to make breakfast. The girls were giggling and rolling around amongst the pals. My son was building Lego’s and throwing bombs over the wall at the girls. The TV was shut off and they were having good ole fashion childhood fun.

I thought to myself, just leave the fort up. Overlook the clutter, it will be fine. They are enjoying being children and one day their childhood will be over. Let them make the memories, let them play. From now on, I will try not to let my OCD get into the way of my children’s childhood. The fort will stay for as long as they would like….. Well until I need to vacuum.

10 Years

As I am laying out in the yard by our above ground swimming pool listening to the kids jumping on the trampoline, then running back to splash in the pool, I begin to remember a time 10 years ago.

The time when my husband and I first moved into our house. A time before we had grass, before our back porch, heck even before the kids were born.

We sat in our back yard on towels beside a plastic kiddie pool, surrounded by dirt, listening to an old cd player, while sipping on some cold ones. We had just planted our yard with grass seed so there was only dirt, everywhere. We would sit there every afternoon, dreaming of what was to come. We were making plans.

Once our grass grew, we only had a push mower and a big yard. No shade what so ever to hang out in. Our washer and dryer was banged up and worked as good as we needed them to. There was also a lot of work to make the pasture ready for my horses to join us. It was just the beginning of our journey.

About 2 months later, we found out we were expecting. Then slowly, our spare room turned into a nursery, the grass was luscious, the pasture was coming along. Then our family grew once more. Our house became fuller and the carpets became stained. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wow, how much has changed over time. That old cd player is now in the shop (which also came over time). We have a back porch with a TV on it, that’s how we listen to our music now. We even upgraded to an above the ground pool.

We’ve been through a lot of struggles, a lot of ups and downs, and some rocky roads. We’ve had good times and bad times. But best of all, we built a life together, an amazing one at that.

It’s fun looking back on those times. Who would have known, 10 years ago, our young butts sitting on those towels only dreaming, never knowing how far we would go. But here we are 10 years later. Things might not have turned out quite how we planned, but they turned out even better. I can only imagine what the next 10 years will bring.

Kids can be Kids

Other parents: I’m so sad during this pandemic because my kids are missing out on so much. They don’t get to see their friends or go and enjoy their normal activities.

Me: I see it quite differently. My kids are able to be kids again. Use their imaginations and play. They get to hang out with mommy and daddy more. They’re not worn out from every day stresses. No more long school days, no more tiring late practices in the afternoons after homework, and no more screen time.

Don’t get me wrong school, sports, and screen time to unwind is great. But, our kids, especially young ones are so consumed with it that they forget what its like to be a kid.

It’s sad that 9-10 year olds are more concerned with screen time than putting a puzzle or legos together. Why actually put one together when you can watch someone on youtube do it?

My kids have always loved putting legos and puzzles together, but never have the time. When the weekends roll around, they would rather kick back on the couch and watch screens than spend time with the family, or doing something creative.

Through this pandemic, screens went down and the fun began. The legos came back out, the puzzles came back out, the toys came back out, and best of all their imaginations came back out.

They are riding their bikes again, pretending again, and being a kid again.

Life goes by too fast. Before we know it, their childhood is gone. So, instead of being upset on what they are “missing out” on, be thankful for what they are gaining and getting back.

They are getting back what it’s like to just be a kid. To get dirty, to have fun, to be outside from sun up to sun down, they are getting so much more back than they are missing out on.

I’ve always wanted my kids to have the childhood I had, now they get it. I think they are enjoying it more than ever.

Yes they will fight and we will all get tired of each other here and there, but this is the life.

So don’t let this opportunity pass them by. Let them have fun and heck, have fun with them. As parents, we don’t always get this chance to become kids again or even have time to play with our kids, but now we do.

Teach them the games you use to play to pass time and let them teach you their games. Have some story time and play school.

Don’t be upset because they can’t play with friends, go to the park, go to the beach, or that ball season has been postponed. Be happy that life has slowed down and…. you guessed it….. your kids can be kids!

Momma Guilt

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for having a career and being a mom.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for choosing to put motherhood over having a career.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for not having a fabulous routine.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty for struggling to keep up with house work.

It’s a constant battle between “you should be helping with income” and “you should be caring for your own children”.

Momma’s can’t win for losing. We are in a constant battle with doing what we feel is right and what others feel we should do.

If you’re a stay at home mom then you are lazy. If you’re a working mom then you aren’t truly a mother because you’re not there.

That’s not fair. No one puts that burden on a man.

Being I was a working mom, a stay at home mom, now the stay at home mom working her butt off on chasing dreams, I can truly say it’s hard either way and you are AMAZING regardless what path you choose.

It’s hard being a mom, it’s hard deciding in what’s best for you and your family. But I promise it’s all going to be great, as long as your intentions are great.

I know mom’s who work hard every day, and though they love and miss their kids, they need a break. I know mom’s who are with their kids ALL DAY EVERY DAY, and feel guilty for wanting a break.

But us mom’s can’t catch a break because there is always someone saying we are wrong. There is always someone making us feel guilty.

But I’m here to tell you, it’s ok. Do what’s best and do what works. If you want to stay home and be your childs caregiver, that’s awesome! If you have a career and want to continue with it, that’s amazing. We shouldn’t have to have the feeling of choosing between one or the other.

If you’re a stay at home mom, you get to raise your kiddos the way you want and teach your kids how to work hard like momma.

If you’re a working momma, they get to visit and know family better while learning to work hard like their momma.

The kids win either way.

Momma’s shouldn’t have to feel guilty, for being who they dreamed to be!

Everyday Day is the Same

Are you stuck at home during quarenteen? Maybe you were layed off from your job, working from home, or because school is closed.

Everyday seems endless and the same. So much as to where you don’t even know what day it is anymore.

May I make a suggestion? Maybe now is the time to finally start and get into a routine. I mean why not? If everyday is the same, might as well get the most out of all of them!

Before school closings, etc, my days were slammed packed. They started at 5:30 in the mornings and didn’t end until after the kids went to bed that night.

Between hustling to and from school, after school practices, homework, everyday duties, and me actually trying to squeeze in working amongst everything else, I was pooped.

Working out was a when I feel like it sort of thing, if I forgot to do my bible study then that’s that, and writing was the same. I would get to it when I can (which was mostly in the pick up line).

So you can imagine what I did when the weekends rolled around. I was sleeping in and not doing a darn thing!

So, it hit me, now everyday is a Saturday if you think about it. Why do one thing during the week and not on the weekend. Now, I’m not getting up before 7, but so far I have been more on track and more organized by being able to do the same thing EVERY day.

For instance, it’s Sunday and I’ve been up since 7:30, did my bible study, now about to jump on my workout before getting a shower. Then I will make breakfast, get the kids dressed, then we will head outside to feed the animals. Bam! Our day has already started out pretty awesome.

When you create a routine, it normally takes 30 days for it to become a habit. So what better time to create habits that you have always wanted to create, but have been too busy to “stick” it out.

I feel having everyday being the same instead of weekday vs weekend or workday vs day off helps keep you in check to form your habits.

So, instead of benjing netflicks complaining on when the world will get back to normal, take advantage of the break. Take advantage of everyday being the same.

Until the World Stopped

We were too busy to find time to work out.

We were too busy get into an everyday routine.

We were too busy to have a healthy meal plan.

We were too busy for quality family time.

We were too busy to read that new book.

We were too busy to learn a new skill.

We were too busy to get organized.

We were too busy to make time for ourselves.

We were running to and from work or to and from school. Then, there were after school practices or activities. Don’t forget to run to the grocery store. Now let’s rush to bed and check that last email.

We were too busy, until the world stopped.

Then, all a sudden, the schools are closed. After school activities and practices were cancelled. Anywhere you would normally go to gather is closed. Business were shut down, and we are told to stay home. So we do. But what do we do when our lives are changed so much? Get overwhelmed, pout, mope around because our lives have changed so much.

Why?

If you’re confused on what to do in this new found world, sit back, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and think of all the things you have been wanting to do. Let God show you the path and ways to make the best out of our current situations. Sit back, be still and listen.

Now is the time to do what you were too busy to do. Start taking afternoon walks, enjoy quality time with family, read the book you’ve always wanted to read or even learn a new language.

Enjoy some time to yourself or treat yourself to more bubble baths. You finally have time to take care of you.

Enjoy this time. I feel it was a blessing from God. He slowed us down, he told us to stop. Focus on him, focus on your family, and focus on you.

Do what you’ve always wanted to do, but were too busy to do, until the world stopped.

There will always be critics

I woke up this morning with notifications on my phone from youtube. As I was pouring my cup off coffee, I opened one and it was this comment on a cover I did of “Perfect” by Pink.



That cover was done two years ago or so, so it’s not the best. I proceeded to look and this same person commented negative things on two other covers I had done over two years ago stating the likes I did recieve were probably from family, but they needed to be more honest.

Then left this comment on “More Hearts than Mine” by Ingred Andre’s that I posted recently.

This one is a little nicer but seriously


I guess this person doesn’t look at dates as to when these covers were posted.


The more I contemplated on the comments, I got a little angry wondering why do people have to be so mean?! I know I’m not great and back then it was definitely not good but, if you don’t like something, move on. I leave those videos up as a reminder of how far I’ve come. If you don’t like something move on, no need to be nasty, attack, and discourage someone.

After that, I wanted to go back and comment on every negative comment he made to defend myself. But I prayed about it instead. Then I turned on Pandora and started folding laundry.

The first song that came on was “Heartless” by Diplo ft. Morgan Wallen. I chuckled for two reasons. First, the title was suiting for what I was thinking about this critic. Second, I remembered Morgan Wallen sharing a negative tweet from someone saying he couldn’t sing or something like that. Anywho, he retweeted it with laughing faces.

Then, I thought, don’t worry what the critics say, the best movies always get the worst reviews. I don’t like letting things like this bother me and I don’t like having to explain myself so I won’t.

I know I’m not the best singer, the best songwriter or even the best writer at that. But, it’s something I love and I’m not going to let a critic’s negativity take that away from me. I will keep on writing, singing and playing. That’s how you improve.

I feel that people who feel the need to put others down and troll them need to take a long look in the mirror and find what’s missing in their own lives. Most people who put others down are not happy with themselves.

I honestly feel really sad for people who feel the need to find the negative in everything. It must be pretty miserable and I pray you will start looking for the positive, life is so much better that way.

That being said, I just wanted to share this with ya’ll as a reminder that there will always be people who put you down, there will always be people who will say things to hurt you. But don’t let them stop you from chasing your dreams or doing what you love. Don’t let them be the reason you fail or don’t succeed. The only way to fail is if you quit.

I did get somewhat of an apology later on, but this is the only comment I replied back on, and I was nice. Lol